"Our System Isn't Set Up for Death"

It's Friday. We all need a little chuckle.

This little transcript has been making it around the blogosphere and e-mail lists. I can't vouch for its authenticity. It may be the stuff of Urban Legend but I can testify that it's a "dead ringer" (pun absolutely intended) from real conversations I've heard in the countless calls I've analyzed over the past 14 years.

A young man calls Citibank because they keep sending bills and finance charges to his dead relative:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you she died in January."

Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

Family Member: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

Citibank: "Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau , maybe both!"

Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

Citibank: "Excuse me?"

Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"

Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." (Duh!)

Family Member : "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

Citibank: "The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply." (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)

Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

Citibank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"

Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)

Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Family Member: "Sure." (Fax number is given)

Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."

Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply." (What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"

Citibank: "That might help."

Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69."

Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

Comments

[Michael Libbie]

Tom:

Good stuff...not sure it is real either...but checked the story on Snopes.com and they also did not know...but guessed it might be. MPL

[Eliezer Gonzalez]

Thanks Tom. Who cares its it's real or not. We all know it's typical!

That's a great way to keep your customers.... you just never let them out of your clutches, even after they're dead.

(Sorry for commenting twice.... the first one was a slip of the finger. Please delete it.)

[Tom Vander Well]

No worries, Eliezer. If I had a dime for every time my finger hit the wrong key...

I just wonder how that would be when a company asked our group to survey their customers. I don't think our phone lines reach that far :)

[Eliezer Gonzalez]

You'd have to have little hole in each coffin for the telephone lines to go through.

But I reckon cremations would of grave concern to any serious customer retention strategy like Citibank's. :-)

[Meikah Delid]

Hilarious, Tom! =)) And it's most likely true... too bad!

[Heidi miller]

Isn't it sad that we all find this so darn easy to believe?

[Ann Onimous]

Oh, this is beautiful! Real or not, it doesn't matter.

I have to share this with my call center.

[Tom Vander Well]

Share away! Glad to provide you with a chuckle :)

[Ann Onimous]

I'm going to... on Friday. This week has been pretty bad: our service levels have been close to abysmal. I've even been on the phone, and I don't normally take calls. So I figure by Friday, these guys are going to need a laugh.

[C.B. Whittemore]

Tom, what an unbelievable yet hysterical story. Thank you for sharing.